NLP Training
Friday 27 November 2009
NLP DVDs
As well as using a wide varity of NLP books to improve your learning, you can also download NLP DVD's. Click on the link below...
NLP Training
NLP Training
Thursday 26 November 2009
For NLP Coaches
A reference guide to effective complimentary/introductory coaching sessions.
To ensure your potential clients always come back for more!
Many professional coaches offer a short complimentary coaching session to potential clients as the first stage of the coaching relationship. It's a way to get to break the ice with a new client and allow the client to experience what it will be like working with you. Here is a quick reference guide to a complimentary session, to ensure you make the most of it.
There are five things you really want to accomplish during your first coaching conversation:-
1. Connection. Make a personal connection with your client. Build rapport with your client so conversation flows easily and the relationship gets off to a great start.
2. Motivation. What motivated the client to call you today? Explore and understand what the client is motivated to pursue, and how you can help.
3. Presentation. Once you know what the client is motivated to pursue, show the client how coaching can help them.
4. Information. What information does the client need to make a decision? What is making them hesitate? Provide the client with all the information they need to allow them to make a well informed decision.
5. Decision. Ask for a commitment. Ask the client what time/dates are best to begin working together.
And here are some all important key questions to get you started as you work your way through the 5 stages ...
Connection
- What inspired/motivated you to call today?
- Tell me more about yourself
- Let me tell you a bit about myself
- What interests you most about coaching?
- What do you think would be the best thing about having a coach to work with?
Motivation
- What are the top three challenges that you face right now?
- What is the biggest thing that you would like to change right now?
- What is motivating you right now? Are you keen to work towards something or are you eager to move away from something?
- What would it be like experience a change in this area? How good would it feel? How good does that sound?
- What would it mean to you if this was never to change?
- What's your main hesitation about working with a coach?
- What outcome would make this coaching relationship a great success?
Presentation
- What would a great coach be like for you? How would they keep you motivated?
- What will be the greatest challenge the coach will face in working with you?
- So here's how I work with that kind of goal...
- Here's an example of how I helped someone with that kind of goal...
- Here's what I do best as a coach...
- Do my skills as a coach match your needs as a client?
- Here is what you can expect whilst working with me...
Information
- This is what a typical session will be like...
- How often we will meet, and for how long
- I will call you/You will call me
- What is expected of you in between session...
- Fees/Procedure/Commitment
- Is there anything else you are curious about?
- Is there anything you are not sure about?
- Does this answer all your questions?
- How does this sound/feel/look?
Decision
- Is there anything else you need to know to help you make a decision about working with a coach?
- How would you like to proceed?
- Would you like to take the next step and arrange your first coaching session?
- I noticed a hesitation, what's stopping you?
- What would you like to know to help you move forward right now?
- Shall we set a date? What times/dates are best for you?
Hopefully by the end of the five stages you will know whether you can work with the client; you will have a detailed understanding of your clients main concerns and motivations, in life and in starting a coaching relationship; and you will have a date in your diary for your first coaching session.
However, if the client decides not to proceed with a coaching relationship, you will know why. You will know at which stage the client hesitated, broke rapport or voiced a concern. You can now consider whether you want to be flexible to the clients exact needs, whether you want to do something different, and at what stage that difference will make the biggest difference.
If you have any ideas or great coaching questions that will make this reference guide even more effective please let us know.
Email: nlppracticegroup@gmail.com
Good Luck with your coaching and let us know how you get on.
Sandie
High Peak Life Coach
Tuesday 24 November 2009
Rapport
Several NLP Practice Group members are using the techniques we have been learning/practicing to help other people move forward.
One of the most important aspects when working with others is to gain Rapport.
What is Rapport?
Rapport is a Relationship, one of mutual trust or emotional affinity that exists between people when they are at ease with one another and where communication is occurring easily.
Why use this?
People like people who are like themselves; In general, we gravitate towards people that we consider similar to us. When you gain Rapport, common ground and similarities are emphasised and the differences are minimised.
Rapport is an essential for successful communication - if there is no rapport when there is no communication!
We all experience Rapport.
We naturally all experience rapport, this is common with close friends, family and with others whom we share common interest with. The skill is for you to be able to create rapport with anybody, in any setting.
Gaining Rapport.
Copy body language
Match Breathing patterns
Match the tone and speed of your client’s voice
Copy eye contact patterns; use their language preference (VAK)
* This needs to be subtle.
(This is sometimes called 'pacing’)
Once you have gained Rapport you can then 'Lead' your client by making small non-matching changes in your own behaviour. If they follow (typically 30-60 seconds later) with a similar shift then you have rapport. If not go back to the above to re-gain Rapport.
Use Interest to gain Rapport.
One of the most effective ways to create rapport by having a genuine interest in the other person’s model of the world, experiencing the world exactly as they do.
Developing Rapport building skills.
That's all there is to it - observation and practice.
Remember to be subtle, if the Rapport process intrudes the other person’s conscious awareness, they will not respond well to you.
With practice you will be able to easily create rapport with total strangers in just a few minutes, whether or not you like them, and whether or not you have any areas of common interest.
Several NLP Practice Group members are using the techniques we have been learning/practicing to help other people move forward.
One of the most important aspects when working with others is to gain Rapport.
What is Rapport?
Rapport is a Relationship, one of mutual trust or emotional affinity that exists between people when they are at ease with one another and where communication is occurring easily.
Why use this?
People like people who are like themselves; In general, we gravitate towards people that we consider similar to us. When you gain Rapport, common ground and similarities are emphasised and the differences are minimised.
Rapport is an essential for successful communication - if there is no rapport when there is no communication!
We all experience Rapport.
We naturally all experience rapport, this is common with close friends, family and with others whom we share common interest with. The skill is for you to be able to create rapport with anybody, in any setting.
Gaining Rapport.
Copy body language
Match Breathing patterns
Match the tone and speed of your client’s voice
Copy eye contact patterns; use their language preference (VAK)
* This needs to be subtle.
(This is sometimes called 'pacing’)
Once you have gained Rapport you can then 'Lead' your client by making small non-matching changes in your own behaviour. If they follow (typically 30-60 seconds later) with a similar shift then you have rapport. If not go back to the above to re-gain Rapport.
Use Interest to gain Rapport.
One of the most effective ways to create rapport by having a genuine interest in the other person’s model of the world, experiencing the world exactly as they do.
Developing Rapport building skills.
To improve your ability to create rapport you need to have excellent sensory acuity and calibration skills.
Spend time practising just one form of matching until you can use this easily. For most this will become an unconscious skill.
Once you have learnt one form, practice a second, then a third and so on.
That's all there is to it - observation and practice.
Remember to be subtle, if the Rapport process intrudes the other person’s conscious awareness, they will not respond well to you.
With practice you will be able to easily create rapport with total strangers in just a few minutes, whether or not you like them, and whether or not you have any areas of common interest.
Tuesday 17 November 2009
NLP Videos
Hi all
As well as practicing NLP techniques each month, many practitioners also find it useful to watch NLP experts deliver the techniques.
This month we have added 2 NLP videos for your use: Please click the link below.
What is NLP by Richard Bandler
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vlcsFJyEXQ
Fast Phobia Removal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtUatMghbHg
As well as practicing NLP techniques each month, many practitioners also find it useful to watch NLP experts deliver the techniques.
This month we have added 2 NLP videos for your use: Please click the link below.
What is NLP by Richard Bandler
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vlcsFJyEXQ
Fast Phobia Removal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtUatMghbHg
Sunday 15 November 2009
At this months NLP Practice Group Meeting, we started the session by discussing NLP books, one of the members (and myself) had the 5 minute NLP book; a pocket size NLP book which is ideal for people new to NLP for carrying around and dipping into for reference.
To check reviews and to buy (around £4) click the link below:
I have also add a large list of other various NLP books for beginners to experts, follow the link below:
NLP Books
If you would like to recommend any NLP books please e-mail nlppracticegroup@gmail.com
To check reviews and to buy (around £4) click the link below:
I have also add a large list of other various NLP books for beginners to experts, follow the link below:
NLP Books
If you would like to recommend any NLP books please e-mail nlppracticegroup@gmail.com
Friday 13 November 2009
Logical Levels
Hi all,
This month the group practiced using a questioning model based on NLP Logical Levels. Many of the group had not used logical levels before in any depth and could only vaguely remember this technique from our practitioner courses.
Firstly, as a group we read and discussed the technique. From just reading the step by step description of the technique many of us still did not have a full understanding of how effective using the model would be. Once we had discussed the practice, we split up into small groups, each group having an observer, and practicing going through the logical levels with a specific goal or problem in mind. After a short period of time it quickly became clear just how powerful working through each level was in helping to understand what that goal really meant to the client, and at what level changes would best enable the client to move towards their goal.
This lead us on to discuss how important and effective it is to practice NLP techniques. By experiencing the techniques as both a practitioner and a client, we can assist you in understanding the technique on more coherent level.
If like this months practice group members you don’t fully understand Logical Levels, then I would highly recommend reading through the technique and practicing with someone soon in order to benefit from the power of this great exercise.
This month the group practiced using a questioning model based on NLP Logical Levels. Many of the group had not used logical levels before in any depth and could only vaguely remember this technique from our practitioner courses.
Firstly, as a group we read and discussed the technique. From just reading the step by step description of the technique many of us still did not have a full understanding of how effective using the model would be. Once we had discussed the practice, we split up into small groups, each group having an observer, and practicing going through the logical levels with a specific goal or problem in mind. After a short period of time it quickly became clear just how powerful working through each level was in helping to understand what that goal really meant to the client, and at what level changes would best enable the client to move towards their goal.
This lead us on to discuss how important and effective it is to practice NLP techniques. By experiencing the techniques as both a practitioner and a client, we can assist you in understanding the technique on more coherent level.
If like this months practice group members you don’t fully understand Logical Levels, then I would highly recommend reading through the technique and practicing with someone soon in order to benefit from the power of this great exercise.
NLP Logical Levels - Outcome Focused
NLP Logical Levels are a powerful way to think about change and a way to gather information and understanding about a problem or a goal that require changes, and to understand at what levels the changes need to occur.
The Logical Level technique helps you align yourself or your clients so that everything is pulling in the same direction to achieve your goal.
The 6 Logical Levels:
1) Environment - Where, When and With Whom?
2) Behaviour - What are you doing?
3) Capabilities - How do you do that? How would you do that?
4) Beliefs and Values - Why do you want that? Why is that important to you?
5) Identity - Who are you? Who were you? Who do you want to be?
6) Spirituality - What for, or for Whom?
The Technique:
First gain rapport with your client.
Step 1;
Ask the client “what is the goal they would like to achieve or problem they would like to resolve” Remember to ask the client to re-frame the ‘negative’ problem into a ‘positive’ goal.
When asking questions around the 6 Logical levels ask them about the past, present and future.
Step 2; Environment (The environment around you such as your home, your community, living arrangements, the people around you, your tools and resources)
Ask “how does your environment affect your goal?” What are your external opportunities or constraints?
Example questions:-
“Where do you work best?
“What kind of people do you like to have around you?
“Where are your resources?”
“Where do you gain support?”
Step 3. Behaviours (What you consciously do, and what you think about)
Ask “What specifically do you do” “If I was you, what would I be doing?”
Example Questions:-
“What do you do that makes life fun and interesting?”
“What do you find yourself saying habitually? Can you see any patterns?
“Do your actions fit in with your sense of who you are?”
“What do you sound like?”
Step 4. Capabilities (your abilities, skills, talents, knowledge and competency)
Ask “What skills, competency and knowledge do you have?”
Example Question:-
“What skills have you learnt that you are proud of?”
“What would people who know you well say you are good at?”
“Do you know someone who has the skills you’d like to have?”
“How do you know you are effective?”
Step 5. Beliefs and Values (Your beliefs and values are your guiding force of your actions and decisions. What do you strongly believe in?)
Ask “What do you believe and value?”
Example Questions:-
“Why did you do that? Why did they do that?”
“What factors are important to you in this situation?”
“What do you believe to be right and wrong?”
“What has to be true for you to get what you want?
“What are your beliefs about this person or situations? Are they helpful What beliefs might be help me you get better results?”?
Step 6. Identity (The sense of who you are)
Ask “What is the definition of who you are and what you stand for”
Example Question:-
“What kind of person are you?”
“How is what you are experiencing an expression of who you are?”
“How would you describe yourself?”
“How would others describe you?”
Step 7. Spirituality (Our role and duty as a spiritual being, our connectedness to the universe)
Ask “What is your meaning in life?”
Example Question:-
“For what reason are you here?”
“What would you like your contribution to be to others?”
“How would you like to be remembered when you’re gone?”
NLP Logical Levels are a powerful way to think about change and a way to gather information and understanding about a problem or a goal that require changes, and to understand at what levels the changes need to occur.
The Logical Level technique helps you align yourself or your clients so that everything is pulling in the same direction to achieve your goal.
The 6 Logical Levels:
1) Environment - Where, When and With Whom?
2) Behaviour - What are you doing?
3) Capabilities - How do you do that? How would you do that?
4) Beliefs and Values - Why do you want that? Why is that important to you?
5) Identity - Who are you? Who were you? Who do you want to be?
6) Spirituality - What for, or for Whom?
The Technique:
First gain rapport with your client.
Step 1;
Ask the client “what is the goal they would like to achieve or problem they would like to resolve” Remember to ask the client to re-frame the ‘negative’ problem into a ‘positive’ goal.
When asking questions around the 6 Logical levels ask them about the past, present and future.
Step 2; Environment (The environment around you such as your home, your community, living arrangements, the people around you, your tools and resources)
Ask “how does your environment affect your goal?” What are your external opportunities or constraints?
Example questions:-
“Where do you work best?
“What kind of people do you like to have around you?
“Where are your resources?”
“Where do you gain support?”
Step 3. Behaviours (What you consciously do, and what you think about)
Ask “What specifically do you do” “If I was you, what would I be doing?”
Example Questions:-
“What do you do that makes life fun and interesting?”
“What do you find yourself saying habitually? Can you see any patterns?
“Do your actions fit in with your sense of who you are?”
“What do you sound like?”
Step 4. Capabilities (your abilities, skills, talents, knowledge and competency)
Ask “What skills, competency and knowledge do you have?”
Example Question:-
“What skills have you learnt that you are proud of?”
“What would people who know you well say you are good at?”
“Do you know someone who has the skills you’d like to have?”
“How do you know you are effective?”
Step 5. Beliefs and Values (Your beliefs and values are your guiding force of your actions and decisions. What do you strongly believe in?)
Ask “What do you believe and value?”
Example Questions:-
“Why did you do that? Why did they do that?”
“What factors are important to you in this situation?”
“What do you believe to be right and wrong?”
“What has to be true for you to get what you want?
“What are your beliefs about this person or situations? Are they helpful What beliefs might be help me you get better results?”?
Step 6. Identity (The sense of who you are)
Ask “What is the definition of who you are and what you stand for”
Example Question:-
“What kind of person are you?”
“How is what you are experiencing an expression of who you are?”
“How would you describe yourself?”
“How would others describe you?”
Step 7. Spirituality (Our role and duty as a spiritual being, our connectedness to the universe)
Ask “What is your meaning in life?”
Example Question:-
“For what reason are you here?”
“What would you like your contribution to be to others?”
“How would you like to be remembered when you’re gone?”
Wednesday 4 November 2009
Using NLP Quick Phobia Removal Techique on clients
Hello Friends and Practitioners
At the last practice group meeting we practiced the Quick Phobia Removal Technique. The follow week I met up with one of the practice group members who wanted to reduce her phobia.
We met in a noisy café in Manchester and during the initial stages of the techniques, while I was relaxing the client using The Milton Model, I asked her how she was feeling and she responded saying “she felt relaxed but the noise around us was putting her off” I responded by saying “It is good that you are feeling more relaxed and as you concentrate on my voice you notice all the other noises starting to fade away….” After the technique she said the noises in the coffee house disappeared after I said this.
We carried out the techniques, adding funny music and cartoon characters to the client’s film of the phobia. By the end of the technique we did a future vision, and said she felt “OK” To ensure the phobia worked I told the client “as I new what your phobia was before we met today, I have brought (the clients phobia) with me for you to hold. The client said, “she was OK with this” - It really exciting to use the practised techniques for real and to get a positive result for the client.
Have you used any of the practised techniques with any positive results? Drop-us e-mail and we will add your comments to the blog.
Chris
At the last practice group meeting we practiced the Quick Phobia Removal Technique. The follow week I met up with one of the practice group members who wanted to reduce her phobia.
We met in a noisy café in Manchester and during the initial stages of the techniques, while I was relaxing the client using The Milton Model, I asked her how she was feeling and she responded saying “she felt relaxed but the noise around us was putting her off” I responded by saying “It is good that you are feeling more relaxed and as you concentrate on my voice you notice all the other noises starting to fade away….” After the technique she said the noises in the coffee house disappeared after I said this.
We carried out the techniques, adding funny music and cartoon characters to the client’s film of the phobia. By the end of the technique we did a future vision, and said she felt “OK” To ensure the phobia worked I told the client “as I new what your phobia was before we met today, I have brought (the clients phobia) with me for you to hold. The client said, “she was OK with this” - It really exciting to use the practised techniques for real and to get a positive result for the client.
Have you used any of the practised techniques with any positive results? Drop-us e-mail and we will add your comments to the blog.
Chris
Solution Focus-how to use the Miracle Question"
Thanks to Andy Smith for posting this article:
NLP/EQ tip: Solution Focus - how to use the "Miracle Question"
Here's a mildly unpleasant thought experiment. Sorry to do this to you, but it is going somewhere and it does get better, honest.
Imagine meeting one of your friends for lunch, and they spend a whole hour telling you about everything that's wrong with their life - in great detail. How would you feel at the end of that hour? Drained, miserable, bored, discouraged? Well, if you would feel like that just from spending that time listening to someone's problems, imagine how much more miserable the friend would be after talking about nothing but their problems for an hour.
Now instead, imagine that your friend is telling you all about how things are going to be when they have solved their problems, and how they want things to be. How are you going to feel after an hour of that? Inspired, enthused, happy for them, uplifted? Well if you feel that way, imagine how much better your friend is going to feel - since it's their life they are talking about.
------
Our habitual impulse when we have a problem is to spend time thinking about that problem to find ways of trying to solve it. The downside of focusing on our problems is that we get more involved in them the more we think about them. A problem can seem to expand until it takes up all of our attention and there's no room to think about anything else.
And of course the more we think about a problem, the worse we tend to feel. In NLP terms we would say that we get into an 'unresourceful state', where it's harder to find the skills and abilities that come easily to us when we are having a good day.
With simple problems it's often glaringly obvious what we need to do to fix them. So we fix them, and move on. Maybe it's so quick and easy to fix that we don't even register it as a problem. But many problems are more complex. So how can we engage with those and still stay resourceful enough to give ourselves the best chance of finding a way out?
The answer is simple. Once you're aware of the problem, stop trying to fix it. Instead, turn your attention to what it will be like when the problem is solved. What do you want instead of the problem?
------
Focusing on the solution (without worrying for the moment about how you are going to get there) does a number of things. Immediately you start to feel better, because what you're thinking about is pleasant rather than unpleasant. This makes it easier to access your inner resources.
Also, the more fully you imagine the solution and the more detail you go into, the more you are making the connections in your brain that you will need to actually make the solution happen. This will improve your performance, as sports psychology has shown. The vast majority of successful athletes use mental rehearsal, and studies repeatedly show that mental rehearsal enhances performance (see for example http://tinyurl.com/2zwavb).
Most importantly, if you want to find a solution, the best place to look for it is anywhere but in the problem. Once you know where you want to get to, you can start finding your way there. Once you have the idea of your solution, you can start making it real.
Solution-focused therapy, developed by Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg at the Brief Family Therapy Center, Milwaukee, is based on these principles. The beauty of solution focus is that it's simple to use. Although it originated as a therapy method, it can be used in coaching, in solving business problems, and you can use it to help yourself. As a method, it fits very nicely with NLP as it shares a number of assumptions.
Berg and de Shazer developed a number of simple and elegant methods to help us turn away from habitual problem focus towards solutions. I'll introduce a couple more in future newsletters - this time let's look at one of the most powerful problem-solving methods there is: the 'Miracle Question'.
------
Exercise: The Miracle Question
If you have some problem in mind, ask yourself this question: Let's imagine that while you're asleep tonight a miracle happens and the problem is completely solved. You don't realise this, of course, because you're still asleep - so when you wake up what will be the first thing that tells you that this miracle has happened? What else will tell you?
Give yourself some time to answer this (especially if your first answer is "I don't know" - just asking the question will get your mind moving in the right direction both consciously and unconsciously. Write down everything that you think of. You are beginning to build the solution (or solutions) in your mind.
NLP buffs will notice that being asked this question shifts the listener from a "problem frame" to an "outcome frame". Framing your thoughts like this is important because it influences the way you think about things, making it much more likely that your imagination will produce something that will help you.
------
A couple of supplementary questions you can ask:
1. Who else would notice that this miracle has happened? What would tell them?
This question encourages you to step outside of yourself and think about what would be different in your observable behaviour if the problem were solved. Once you're aware of this, it's a very short step to beginning to act differently.
2. Does anyone else have to change in order for this miracle to happen?
Out of dozens of clients I've asked this question, everyone has said 'no'. Of course, having just described your answer to the miracle question makes it a lot easier to realise that you are able to make the changes you need in your life.
------
Given a goal to focus on, your unconscious mind will surprise you by noticing opportunities and coming up with creative ways to get there. So why not try out the miracle question, either by yourself by writing your answers or by getting a friend to ask you the questions. And do email me to let me know how you get on.
In a future posting we'll look at another powerful tool from Solution Focus - "Scaling Questions".
Note: The thought experiment at the beginning of this article is adapted from the start of 'Words Were Originally Magic' by Steve de Shazer. It's a great book; it does get a little bogged down in a discussion of post-structuralist philosophy but soon recovers when he gets into describing the model, applications and therapy transcripts. You can order it from Amazon.uk or from Amazon.com or from Amazon.ca.
Further note: while researching this article I discovered from the Brief Family Therapy Center web site that Insoo Kim Berg passed away on January 10th 2007. I hadn't registered this because I was on holiday for most of January. Both Insoo and Steve (d. 2005) made an enormous contribution to development of psychotherapy. On the site you can find some DVDs and downloadable articles about solution focused therapy.
NLP/EQ tip: Solution Focus - how to use the "Miracle Question"
Here's a mildly unpleasant thought experiment. Sorry to do this to you, but it is going somewhere and it does get better, honest.
Imagine meeting one of your friends for lunch, and they spend a whole hour telling you about everything that's wrong with their life - in great detail. How would you feel at the end of that hour? Drained, miserable, bored, discouraged? Well, if you would feel like that just from spending that time listening to someone's problems, imagine how much more miserable the friend would be after talking about nothing but their problems for an hour.
Now instead, imagine that your friend is telling you all about how things are going to be when they have solved their problems, and how they want things to be. How are you going to feel after an hour of that? Inspired, enthused, happy for them, uplifted? Well if you feel that way, imagine how much better your friend is going to feel - since it's their life they are talking about.
------
Our habitual impulse when we have a problem is to spend time thinking about that problem to find ways of trying to solve it. The downside of focusing on our problems is that we get more involved in them the more we think about them. A problem can seem to expand until it takes up all of our attention and there's no room to think about anything else.
And of course the more we think about a problem, the worse we tend to feel. In NLP terms we would say that we get into an 'unresourceful state', where it's harder to find the skills and abilities that come easily to us when we are having a good day.
With simple problems it's often glaringly obvious what we need to do to fix them. So we fix them, and move on. Maybe it's so quick and easy to fix that we don't even register it as a problem. But many problems are more complex. So how can we engage with those and still stay resourceful enough to give ourselves the best chance of finding a way out?
The answer is simple. Once you're aware of the problem, stop trying to fix it. Instead, turn your attention to what it will be like when the problem is solved. What do you want instead of the problem?
------
Focusing on the solution (without worrying for the moment about how you are going to get there) does a number of things. Immediately you start to feel better, because what you're thinking about is pleasant rather than unpleasant. This makes it easier to access your inner resources.
Also, the more fully you imagine the solution and the more detail you go into, the more you are making the connections in your brain that you will need to actually make the solution happen. This will improve your performance, as sports psychology has shown. The vast majority of successful athletes use mental rehearsal, and studies repeatedly show that mental rehearsal enhances performance (see for example http://tinyurl.com/2zwavb).
Most importantly, if you want to find a solution, the best place to look for it is anywhere but in the problem. Once you know where you want to get to, you can start finding your way there. Once you have the idea of your solution, you can start making it real.
Solution-focused therapy, developed by Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg at the Brief Family Therapy Center, Milwaukee, is based on these principles. The beauty of solution focus is that it's simple to use. Although it originated as a therapy method, it can be used in coaching, in solving business problems, and you can use it to help yourself. As a method, it fits very nicely with NLP as it shares a number of assumptions.
Berg and de Shazer developed a number of simple and elegant methods to help us turn away from habitual problem focus towards solutions. I'll introduce a couple more in future newsletters - this time let's look at one of the most powerful problem-solving methods there is: the 'Miracle Question'.
------
Exercise: The Miracle Question
If you have some problem in mind, ask yourself this question: Let's imagine that while you're asleep tonight a miracle happens and the problem is completely solved. You don't realise this, of course, because you're still asleep - so when you wake up what will be the first thing that tells you that this miracle has happened? What else will tell you?
Give yourself some time to answer this (especially if your first answer is "I don't know" - just asking the question will get your mind moving in the right direction both consciously and unconsciously. Write down everything that you think of. You are beginning to build the solution (or solutions) in your mind.
NLP buffs will notice that being asked this question shifts the listener from a "problem frame" to an "outcome frame". Framing your thoughts like this is important because it influences the way you think about things, making it much more likely that your imagination will produce something that will help you.
------
A couple of supplementary questions you can ask:
1. Who else would notice that this miracle has happened? What would tell them?
This question encourages you to step outside of yourself and think about what would be different in your observable behaviour if the problem were solved. Once you're aware of this, it's a very short step to beginning to act differently.
2. Does anyone else have to change in order for this miracle to happen?
Out of dozens of clients I've asked this question, everyone has said 'no'. Of course, having just described your answer to the miracle question makes it a lot easier to realise that you are able to make the changes you need in your life.
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Given a goal to focus on, your unconscious mind will surprise you by noticing opportunities and coming up with creative ways to get there. So why not try out the miracle question, either by yourself by writing your answers or by getting a friend to ask you the questions. And do email me to let me know how you get on.
In a future posting we'll look at another powerful tool from Solution Focus - "Scaling Questions".
Note: The thought experiment at the beginning of this article is adapted from the start of 'Words Were Originally Magic' by Steve de Shazer. It's a great book; it does get a little bogged down in a discussion of post-structuralist philosophy but soon recovers when he gets into describing the model, applications and therapy transcripts. You can order it from Amazon.uk or from Amazon.com or from Amazon.ca.
Further note: while researching this article I discovered from the Brief Family Therapy Center web site that Insoo Kim Berg passed away on January 10th 2007. I hadn't registered this because I was on holiday for most of January. Both Insoo and Steve (d. 2005) made an enormous contribution to development of psychotherapy. On the site you can find some DVDs and downloadable articles about solution focused therapy.
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